


512 Days

by jaera



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I love Jinhwi, Jinyoung and Daehwi are aged up to 25~, M/M, Mentioned Kim Jaehwan, Mentioned Park Jihoon, Mentioned Park Woojin - Freeform, Minor Hwang Minhyun/Ong Seongwoo, Supposed to be a short oneshot but me ded, donut kill me ehe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-08-29 17:48:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16748764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaera/pseuds/jaera
Summary: “You have always been unsure, but I don’t blame you… and I never will.”512 days of Bae Jinyoung and Lee Daehwi.





	512 Days

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER:  
> LOTS OF TIME SKIPS!  
> Very loosely based on the movie '500 days of Summer' (so if you watched that movie already, you'll see similarities! If you haven't, please do! It's one of my fave romcom movies hehe)  
> I tried to make this into a romcom but rip, it turned out more serious than I expected.  
> This is supposed to be a very short oneshot but welp, I tried (yet again)
> 
> Also, I know JinHwi Nation is rising lately and I'M VERY HAPPY FOR THAT, so donut hate me for posting this only now!!  
> This is supposed to be for DeepHwi Week but I missed so I'm uploading it now HEHE (or maybe because DelMar and Betty keep on fussing about it and this has been rotting in my files for so long so-)
> 
> I love DeepHwi. That's all.  
> Scream at me after!  
> XOXO

(Jinyoung) [기억해줘요 Remember](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZL-U8401AQ) \- Kang Minhee

(Daehwi) [ 너는 어땠을까 How About You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nso7yIr8QVM) \- Noel

Choose your fighter (ง •̀_•́)ง

* * *

 

 

 

**1 – 일**

**080717**

“Jinyoung, let me introduce to you our new intern.” Woojin declares one day just as Jinyoung enters the office. He raises an eyebrow in return but before he can react further, another voice catches his attention.

“Hi, nice to meet you! I’m Lee Daehwi, a graduating student majoring in business administration.” The purple headed boy greets, a lithe smile gracing his face. “I’m going to be interning here for a few months and although I may not be of much help, I’ll try to learn as much as I can and not be a bother to you at the same time.”

Jinyoung looks at the hand waiting for him – small and white – before his lips twitches involuntarily, both ends pulling upwards. “Nice to meet you, Daehwi-ssi.” Jinyoung greets back. “I’m Jinyoung, Bae Jinyoung.” he shakes the boy’s hand tightly a few times before quickly letting go. “And uh… don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll have a great time here. You’ll be okay.”

Daehwi giggles in response. “I hope I will.”

 

* * *

 

**3 - 삼**

**080917**

“Jaehwan is quitting.”

Jinyoung nods nonchalantly, eyes everywhere but on his boss, Woojin. “Or so I’ve heard.”

Before being Jinyoung’s boss at work, Woojin is his friend first. They've known each other since way back when and amidst quitting college to pursue his dream – which was not quite a success – Woojin didn’t hesitate to take Jinyoung in as a writer at a greeting card company where he worked for. Jinyoung isn’t really the brightest, he admits this fact, but his words sell – much to his surprise and Woojin’s delight. It’s basically a win-win situation for both of them.

Which is why it doesn’t come as a surprise to Jinyoung how he ends up seated in Woojin’s office shortly after the news that the intern’s trainer is quitting had spread out in their department. If any, he was actually quite surprised that Woojin didn’t call him in the moment their new intern started working at their department since Woojin usually lets him handle newbies.

“So,” Jinyoung starts, looking back at Woojin in question. “Why’d you call me?”

“You’re smart, Jinyoung. No need to put two and two together.” Woojin chuckles, seeing Jinyoung’s unsatisfied expression. “Don’t worry, Daehwi’s a good kid. He can just be a bit… distracted, but otherwise, a fast learner. I’m pretty sure you won’t have a hard time with him.”

_Distracting, you mean._

Jinyoung doesn’t respond, in between the idea of liking or hating the whole arrangement. Other than the fact that the intern is actually Woojin’s cousin, Jinyoung doesn’t really know much about Daehwi. Aside from when they were both first introduced by Woojin, the only times that they ever really conversed were their morning greetings and some occasional acknowledgements.

Albeit, it wasn’t enough to stop Jinyoung from being intrigued. Not when every morning greeting comes with a suggesting smile. Not when every acknowledgement comes with a low-key wink.

“Hyung—oh.” Daehwi barges into the office but stops as soon as he spots Jinyoung. A lull second passes before he closes the door and smiles. “Hi Jinyoung-ssi, what brings you here?”

“Daehwi, I told you not to call me hyung at work.” Woojin reprimands but Daehwi chooses to ignore him, taking the seat right across Jinyoung.

“To be fair, _I_ also call you hyung, _hyung_.” Jinyoung shrugs playfully to which Daehwi laughs at.

Woojin just rolls his eyes at the two, seemingly have given up.

“I look forward to working with you, Jinyoung-ssi.”

“Jinyoung.” Jinyoung corrects. “Just Jinyoung is fine.”

Daehwi nods with a smile. “Okay, Jinyoung.”

 

* * *

 

 

**4 - 사**

**081017**

At the last day of Jinyoung’s colleague, Jaehwan, at work, their department decided to throw him a farewell party at their go to local Korean Barbecue. There are only about at least fifteen people in their team but that is just enough to overrun the place with loud and boisterous commotion.

Jinyoung, contrary to his usually reserved disposition, doesn’t really mind the racket – especially Jaehwan’s manic laughter which seems to rule the rest of the din. It is a normal scene for him; a natural occurrence. He’s just thankful enough that the neighboring patrons don’t seem to mind as well. Most likely due to the fact that they almost eat at the said place every month or so.

Having Daehwi right in front of him however, is the new sight. Then again, if Jinyoung’s being honest, it isn’t exactly new. The intern had apparently found the seat right in front of Jinyoung to be his favorite, seeing as everywhere they go, he would deliberately – or as what it looks like to Jinyoung – sit right in front of him.

Not that Jinyoung minds, since perhaps, seeing Daehwi in front of him might be his favorite too.

“Oh damn, I’m gonna miss you guys—“ Jaehwan sniffles a bit, but Jinyoung knows better than to buy his drama. “I’m sure you all are going to miss me too… so I’ll come visit once in a while, okay?” he hiccups, the alcohol already infused in his blood stream.

Daehwi laughs at him. “It’s okay, hyung. We’ll be fine.” He says. “There’s no need for you to visit.”

Jinyoung snorts at the comment before recollecting himself. “Daehwi’s right, we’ll be busy anyway.”

“Busy gaming all day, I presume.” Jaehwan clicks his tongue. “All Daehwi did was play on his phone—“

“Hey!” Daehwi slaps Jaehwan’s shoulder, almost causing the latter to spill his beer. “Shut it, Woojin-hyung might hear you!”

“Bitch, you almost spilled on my pants!” Jaehwan hisses but Daehwi just sticks his tongue out. Watching the commotion unfolding in front of him, Jinyoung stifles his laughter.

“You’re in no place to laugh, Jinyoung.” Jaehwan gives him a sly smile. “I heard you telling Daniel how much of a softy he was before but I also saw you once playing _Animal Hot Springs_ the whole day—“

Jinyoung’s eyes widen. “Why—I never—“

“Oh wow, you play that too?! I love that app! _Alcapa_ is so cute!” Daehwi cuts him off, eyes now sporting a different kind of glimmer in them, and Jinyoung can’t help but feel the natural current of his heartbeat changing. 

_Did I really just…_

“I—my favorite is _Torori_.” Jinyoung answers guiltily. “I like bunnies.”

“Ooh, I like him… or her too! Whatever its gender is!” Daehwi beams at him, cheeks tinted rose beneath the yellow light. Jinyoung infers that it’s the effect of the booze, but he notices Daehwi ushering his seat closer to the table and a small part of him fathoms that it may just be more than that.

“Do you also play _Love Live_?” Daehwi asks with much enthusiasm.

Jinyoung nods. “I like _Umi_.”

“Me too! But also _Eli_ and _Riko—“_

“Ah… young love. How nice.”

Daehwi and Jinyoung turn to Jaehwan with perplexed expressions. “If there’s any good thing about me leaving, it’s that Jinyoung’s in charge of you now, Hwi.”

“Yeah, because I bet he’s a better instructor than you were.”

Jinyoung erupts into laughter, but it’s short-lived once he sees Jaehwan shaking his head with a smirk. “No, it’s because Jinyoung likes you.”

Jinyoung stops laughing. Daehwi stops breathing.

 

**To: Jaehwan-hyung**

Kim Jaehwan, Fuck you.  
**Seen at 22:20**

 

Jaehwan cackles as he reads the message he got, obviously unconcerned with the sudden stillness. “You might think that I don’t notice but bro, you aren’t exactly as subtle as you thought you are.”

Jinyoung curses internally, remembering the day when Jaehwan suddenly appeared beside him inside their office as he was making rounds for reports, the latter’s all-knowing smirk on full display. On normal days, Jinyoung would consider it as Jaehwan’s regular hobby – to surprise people with his manic expressions. It would have been harmless, to say the least, had he not been found in front of Jaehwan’s office.

It would have been harmless, had he not been caught staring at Daehwi’s sleeping figure.

_“You like him.”_

_“I… I don’t.”_

_“I’m not asking you, Jinyoung. Rather, I’m letting you know – in case you’re not aware, which is the case apparently – that you, Bae Jinyoung, like Lee Daehwi.”_

“I do.” Jinyoung mutters, his voice almost inaudible against the ruckus inside the barbecue place, but the way Jaehwan’s eyes widen lets him know that he was heard. “I like Daehwi… as a friend.”

Daehwi’s face is blank – unreadable – and Jinyoung unconsciously sucks in a breath.

“Yeah, the feeling’s mutual.” Daehwi suddenly breaks out into a smile a moment too long later, turning to Jaehwan who was looking back and forth between him and Jinyoung quizzically – uncaring but not oblivious to the mood. “As friends.” He turns to Jinyoung, resting his chin on the palm of his hand lazily. “Right, Jinyoung?”

The smile on Daehwi’s face is artless and simple, and while Jinyoung isn’t really the most observant person there is, he knows it in himself that he is definitely not dense.

“Right.” Jinyoung smiles back despite himself. “As friends.”

 

* * *

 

 

**28 – 이십팔**

**090317**

“If there’s nothing else to photocopy, then I’ll just do these ones.” Jinyoung tells Daehwi, collecting the reports he needed as he idles by the door. Without even taking a glance at him, Daehwi just hums as he continuously types on his station.

Their most recent project is coming to an end. Before leaving, Jaehwan made sure to wrap up most of his work – which is to negotiate with the printing department – so Jinyoung didn’t have much to think of. Much more so since his newly acquired intern isn’t as bad as well – almost coming on par with Jaehwan’s work speed (Jaehwan has a messed up character but he doesn’t fool around when it comes to work).

Jinyoung didn’t even do much with Jaehwan’s project – it was Daehwi who did most of the work – and he can’t help but laugh at the thought that he might as well switch positions with him. It isn’t a bad idea perhaps, to be Daehwi’s superior, especially if it means having to follow him around, watch his face scrunch in concentration while working, listen to his laughter as he plays on his phone.

Stare at his smile and drown in his eyes.

_It’s only been twenty four days since he started working under you but wow, the fascination is superb._

Jinyoung sighs, knowing very well that it was futile to counter his subconscious. He decides to distract himself by watching the copy machine do its work – replicating at least 10 copies he needed for their project report – and he gets too absorbed even, not noticing the door to the utility room opening.

“6, 5, 4,” Jinyoung counts, the mouth piece of the copy machine seemingly becoming more and more interesting with each second that he stared at it. “3, 2—“ Jinyoung’s counting stops when he was suddenly pulled back from the shoulders and pivoted around, his eyes almost bulging in surprise. “Daehwi—“ before he can even gather what’s happening however, the intern had already pushed him back against the photocopier, lips crashing into his.

And while it might be the most scandalous occurrence in Jinyoung’s twenty five years of living – being caught in the limit of frantic emotions – he can acknowledge that it was also the finest kiss he had in a while. Jinyoung had always seemed rather calm and composed in contrast to his easily disturbed cognizance, but he wouldn’t deny that he likes it bold. Jinyoung likes it daring, likes it how Daehwi doesn’t dare speak of anything but just proceeds to conquer him. He likes it how Daehwi’s hands touch his face gently, while his tongue vehemently licks his lips, deliberately asking for more access. He likes it how Daehwi doesn’t spare any second for breathing, completely absorbed into ravishing and tasting Jinyoung wholly.

Jinyoung likes it how Daehwi doesn’t have any inhibitions nor reserves at all, having even the audacity to give him a smirk as he pulls away.

“Hi,” Daehwi says in between heavy breaths, rich brown eyes nearly overpowering Jinyoung. “Need help?” he asks – whispers – sending shivers down Jinyoung’s spine.

A part of Jinyoung supposes that it must be due to the fact that it had been quite a while since he last dated – the said while having been back when he was still enrolled in college – which is why each and every touch felt so great and overwhelming.

But then he sees Daehwi’s rose tinted cheeks – bright and alluring – and thinks of how much he wants to touch them. He sees the look in Daehwi’s eyes – a mixture of glimmer and thirst – and thinks how much he’d allow himself to drown in them. He sees Daehwi’s quivering lips – swollen but lustrous – and thinks that he truly wants more.

Jinyoung then understands that maybe there’s no other real reason why he feels so enraptured. Jinyoung then decides that maybe it was simply because he’s Daehwi, that’s why.

“Yes, definitely.”

So Jinyoung leans back in, pushing Daehwi onto the photocopier and seizes his lips first this time, completely drowning out the sound of the machine (which unintentionally produces a hundred more unnecessary copies of their report).

 

* * *

 

 

**61 – 육십일**

**100617**

The few years that Jinyoung was single has been rather enjoyable to some extent. He had all his time, had nothing to worry about, and had _no one_ to worry about. But then, he realizes that those good points can also turn out to be bad.

Being single, he had nothing; he had _no one_.

And being just human, it was still inevitable to miss having someone. Having a heart means missing having someone to touch him, having someone hold him, having someone beside him.

This epiphany he gathers when he sees the excited smile on Daehwi’s face on one fine day that they are together, playing around at some random amusement park. They had been dating each other for nearly more than a month but it never really dawned to Jinyoung how much he had missed going out on dates and just to let loose.

Not until he sees the smile on Daehwi’s face.

Not until he recognizes the fact that he, himself, is happy too.

“Oh my gosh, that was so fun!” Daehwi exclaims, the adrenaline rush still very much apparent as they get out of their seats. Once he and Jinyoung were let off by the conductor, Daehwi quickly clings onto Jinyoung’s arm and drags him out of the attraction, hopping a few steps, mood as high as the sky.

“Y-yeah, it was…” Jinyoung manages to reply with a soft chuckle.

Daehwi stops suddenly and looks at Jinyoung with furrowed eyebrows. “Didn’t you like it?”

Jinyoung would be lying if he says that he did. He has a severe motion sickness for as long as he can remember and he can’t ever ride any attraction at any theme park without feeling even a tad nauseous. But Daehwi is the opposite. This he learned a couple of days back. Daehwi loves amusement parks – being the very outgoing person that he is – and the small frown on Daehwi’s face prohibits Jinyoung from telling the truth. More so being aware that the boy had to go through excruciating ways just to steal the tickets from his cousin, Woojin. If his boss ever finds out that Daehwi and Jinyoung took the day off just to have their usual random dates, he’d be damned.

Then again, Jinyoung doesn’t really care at that point. Sure enough, he might get busted by Woojin and he would still never ever take pleasure in a trip to the amusement park, but he sure as hell enjoys being with Daehwi. He likes seeing him smile, likes how the energy literally radiates off of him when they’re together.

And likewise, he likes how Daehwi makes him smile. Jinyoung likes how Daehwi takes his loneliness away. He likes the company – a bit more than he should apparently – and just that prospect alone is enough for him to do even the craziest things that he usually doesn’t.

“To be honest… I don’t really enjoy extreme rides. I get really nauseous.”

Daehwi’s face falls, disappointment immediately turning into worry. “I’m so sorry—“

“But I enjoy being with you…” Jinyoung cuts him off with a small smile, looking straight into Daehwi’s eyes. “And I think that’s more than enough.”

Daehwi bites his bottom lip, a faint flush shading the apple of his cheeks.

And just as Daehwi kisses him, Jinyoung sees the same rosy shade surrounding him.

 

* * *

 

 

**99 – 구십구**

**111317**

Jinyoung takes in a deep breath as he affixes the two plastic bags in his arms. Once he arrives at the doorstep of the last unit on the apartment floor, he immediately rings the doorbell, hoping that the resident is still awake.

It was already 11 in the evening and most establishments have already closed. He considers himself as lucky however, since one of his good friends, Seongwoo, owns a chicken place. Seongwoo actually closes his store at around 9 pm sharp, but none of those matter seeing as Jinyoung just appeared right at his doorstep demanding for a box of deep fried chicken. Seongwoo only rolls his eyes before proceeding to serve his evil guest’s order.

_“What are good friends for if they are not willing to provide after hour services?”_

_“Oh, I don’t know… probably because I don’t really consider you as my good friend?”_

Jinyoung just grins. Besides, Seongwoo’s boyfriend, Minhyun, is Jinyoung’s cousin. If any, Seongwoo should be afraid of him (but Minhyun’s sassiness has already rubbed off of him so he couldn’t do anything about that anymore).  

“Who is—“ He hears shuffling sounds right after and the door opens, revealing a very surprised but nonetheless, excited Daehwi. “Jinyoung! Why are you—“ he stops midsentence when he sees the familiar brown box that he loves. Almost instantly, he jumps on Jinyoung and hugs him tightly. “You’re really the best, Jinyoungie!”

“Wait, the food might spill!” Jinyoung chuckles, but doesn’t make any motions of retaliating and perhaps, even lifts his arms up so Daehwi can properly hug him. Daehwi only snuggles his face onto Jinyoung’s chest and the latter laughs even more. Once Daehwi had enough of his much needed hug, he opens the door for Jinyoung as they enter his apartment.

Daehwi usually goes to sleep over at Jinyoung’s apartment. They hang out at Daehwi’s place to chill and just watch movies, but almost every time they end up staying at Jinyoung’s for the night. Mainly because it would get too late when they finish with whatever agenda they had for the day. Partly because well, Jinyoung just wants to stay longer and cuddle with Daehwi – but he never says it out loud.

If Daehwi noticed his ulterior motive, he doesn’t speak of it and Jinyoung feels even relieved that maybe, just maybe, the former likes being with him just as much too.

They eat their fill for a while in comfortable silence, both hungry enough to not care about anything else. The silence is comforting to Jinyoung nonetheless, as he feels an unexplainable satisfaction with just watching Daehwi happily munching on the chicken he brought.

“So that’s why you’re not replying to any of my messages,” Daehwi comments, taking a seat at the wooden bench that he loves. After finishing their dinner, Daehwi drags Jinyoung with him to the nearby park located at the former’s apartment. It is a small covered park, surrounded by buildings and roads. Not really a peaceful kind of park that is visited by a lot of people, but Daehwi likes it. He likes how he can hog the place all to himself. “You wanted to surprise me.”

Jinyoung hums, allowing himself to be led by Daehwi. “I wanted to see you.”

Daehwi opens two cans of beer for him and Jinyoung, clinking their drinks together with a satisfied smile.

They both take a swig from their beers, listening to just the sound of the crickets compete with that of the horns coming from cars not far from their location when Daehwi suddenly breaks the silence.

“Jinyoung, do you have a dream?”

Jinyoung looks at him for a good minute, gauging any signs of jest but there was none. He taps his can of beer, suddenly finding its fizzy content more amusing than ever. “Uh… well…” He trails off and sees Daehwi’s expectant look one last time before he sighs. “I… I want to be a dancer.”

There is a slight glimmer in Daehwi’s eyes mixed with a hint of wonder. “I didn’t know you dance?”

“That was eons ago. I quit university to pursue that but as you can see… it didn’t go very well.”

“Why don’t you try again? Maybe apply for instructional positions.” Daehwi asks, eyes unwavering against Jinyoung’s unsteady ones. “I’m pretty sure you’ll be great.”

“How can you say so?” Jinyoung questions. “You haven’t even seen me dance yet.”

“I just know.” Daehwi simply gives him a dull smile. “Because you’re Bae Jinyoung.”

Jinyoung just stares for a moment, taking in the silence which was compensated with the low but melodious hums of Daehwi. Daehwi giggles in return, noticing the stare of the male and gives him a wink, causing for Jinyoung to choke on his drink. It was then that Jinyoung has a moment of realization that he is indeed the dumbest individual amongst his contacts, and silently prays to God to provide him with divine intervention.

“Are you okay?” Daehwi immediately pats Jinyoung’s back and wipes his lips with his thumb simultaneously. Jinyoung breathes in heavily, trying to drown out the screams of his heart as he hears Daehwi’s laughter. “Seriously, Jinyoung. You suck.”

“Says the one who gets drunk in just one can.” Jinyoung retorts. He watches as Daehwi goes back to his position, eyes trained on the dark, starless night above them. He then remembers, “I’m okay with it but, I’m just curious why you like staying here. All you can see are buildings and skyscrapers, and you can’t even have any peace since you can hear nothing but the loud cars from afar.” Jinyoung looks around the vicinity. “This park is solemn, yes, since barely anybody comes here but the ambience doesn’t really fit it.”

“Do you know my dream, Jinyoung?” Daehwi asks, still looking above. “My dream is to find _my_ star.”

Jinyoung holds on to his can and stares at Daehwi, noticing how his cheeks had become utterly rosy and his lips quite red in the while that they were drinking. “Do you… do you think that you can find a star here? With all the air pollution going around Seoul, I doubt it.”

Daehwi laughs and Jinyoung, despite his concerns, suddenly feels at peace. “I believe that I will.” Daehwi gives him a warm smile, iridescent eyes covering up for the lack of stars in their midst. “I believe that my star exists somewhere out there, waiting to be discovered.”

Daehwi drinks what is left of his beer and stretches his arms, leaning onto Jinyoung’s body before closing his eyes. His lips slightly part as he slowly falls unconscious, head falling down and snuggling onto the crook of Jinyoung’s neck for support.

Jinyoung looks at the sky, sees the hollowness stretching far and wide into the limitless horizon. There aren’t even any clouds in sight, nor even any trace of the moon. He wonders for a second if the sky had always been starless, had always been blank in contrast to what astronomers say.

But then he sees Daehwi, motionless and vulnerable beside him, face void of any guile and pretense.

And he finally understands that maybe the sky had always been null. Maybe the sky had always been starless.

And maybe Daehwi is right.  

Maybe the star really does exist.

Not anywhere in the sky though. Just unconscious and sleeping in a special place.

 

* * *

 

 

**143 – 백사십삼**

**122717**

After preparing a simple breakfast consisting of eggs and sausages, Jinyoung proceeds to take a quick shower. Once he was done cleansing himself, Jinyoung takes the towel hanging on the rack – which he assumes to be Daehwi’s – and wraps it around his waist. He takes the smaller one right beside it and tousles his hair as he walks back to Daehwi’s room.

Jinyoung had woken up earlier than he had expected. He points to the fact that maybe because it was his first time sleeping over at Daehwi’s place. It doesn’t mean that he didn’t sleep soundly though. Rather, it was a new experience, being cradled to sleep by the scent of Daehwi and cuddling none other than the person himself.

So he relives the moment, of him tracing Daehwi’s long eyelashes that beautifully rested on his lids, of him caressing his imperfectly pristine skin that is perpetually tinted in pink, of him staring at his slightly ajar plump red lips, listening to the small snores that manage to slip every now and then.

If given the chance, Jinyoung would like to stay in the moment, to study each and every angle of Daehwi’s face, to take in all of his being.

Because Jinyoung loves it, and he would love to be bounded forever in that spell, of just him and Daehwi in their own space.

Jinyoung unconsciously smiles when he sees Daehwi stirring in his sleep, looking very much like a flower in full bloom despite just waking up. And he lets his guard down a bit, resting his hand on Daehwi’s chest and placing a soft kiss on the latter’s forehead.

Admiring in his presence; breathing in his existence.

_Just Daehwi and Jinyoung in their own love story._

“Daehwi,” Jinyoung calls when he deems it the time, standing at the foot of the bed, adjacent to the full sized mirror that hanged on the wall. “Time to wake up, I made breakfast.” He says for good measure, knowing that Daehwi wouldn’t budge if food is not involved.

He sees Daehwi’s figure emerging from the mirror, lethargic and listless as he rubs the sleep out of his eyes. “Good morning, sleepyhead.” Jinyoung grins at the adorable sight. “Come on, let’s eat before the food gets cold—“ Jinyoung stops midsentence when he notices Daehwi staring idly at him. Puzzled, he turns to Daehwi and asks, “What’s wrong?”

Daehwi doesn’t speak but instead, waves his hands, asking for Jinyoung to come closer to him. Instinctively, Jinyoung obliges, putting down the hair towel in the process. But before Jinyoung can even say anything, Daehwi had already pulled him down hastily, crashing the older’s lips with his own.

Despite the initial surprise, Jinyoung melts into the kiss, holds on to Daehwi’s face as the latter’s hands slowly ghost down his chest. They stay like that for a while, their tongues dancing in a rhythm that only they know. Feelings and passion overflowing with each second that they breathe in each other’s lips.

After a moment of heated lip lock, as if in a hurry, Daehwi pulls back and switches places with Jinyoung, shoving him down on the bed. Surprised by the sudden boldness, Jinyoung looks back, alarmed at Daehwi who sat on top of him. “B-babe—“ he halts once his eyes land on Daehwi’s lips – red and swollen – and feels himself unconsciously leaning closer, hypnotized by the sight.

“Well, good morning to you too, Jinyoungie.”

Jinyoung’s eyes flicker, cheeks blushing furiously despite himself. He hears Daehwi giggle blithely before feeling the younger’s breathe ghosting over his ear.

“Jinyoung, I love you.”

Jinyoung freezes, eyes full as he turns to Daehwi. “I—“

But Daehwi only gives him a smile and dips in to give Jinyoung one last chaste kiss before devouring him completely.

And everything else was forgotten after. Jinyoung thought that he would be filling Daehwi with a healthy breakfast that day. Turns out that the opposite happened and instead, Daehwi filled Jinyoung with nothing but love and passion.

 

* * *

 

 

**212 – 이백십이**

**030618**

Jinyoung isn’t exactly sure when everything started going haywire, but he’s blaming it to the night he and Daehwi decided to hang out at a random bar after work.

“2 Tom Collins, please.”

Daehwi looks at Jinyoung blankly. “Really, Jinyoung?” he raises an eyebrow. “Tom Collins? Really?”

Jinyoung only sticks a tongue out. “It’s my turn to pick this time. Shut it, Lee.”

“No, you shut it Bae.” Daehwi huffs but it was shortlived as not long after, he receives the almost cloudy cocktail from the bartender and beams. Jinyoung just smiles, knowing how despite the male’s initial attempt at mockery, the said cocktail had become Daehwi’s favorite as well.

They touch glasses for a moment and take sips of their drinks. It is a refreshing activity, to let loose while drinking together with your lover, more so after a long day at work. Lately, it had been toxic at the office since the winter season is ending and they have to produce new cards for the upcoming summer. Deadlines have been pushed earlier hence, more pressure and stress on Jinyoung’s part – being the main subordinate of Woojin.

If he’s being honest, had Daehwi not been with him at work, Jinyoung might probably have gone nuts.

“Hi, care for a glass?”

Everything is going well until they were disturbed by a stranger. Both Daehwi and Jinyoung look up to see a tall blonde man seated on the other side of Daehwi, holding up two glasses with what Jinyoung perceives to be classic Margaritas.

Jinyoung mentally rolls his eyes at the absurdness of the situation. It was so damn obvious to everybody that he and Daehwi are together. If the lack of space between their chairs plus Jinyoung’s arm rested on the back rest of Daehwi’s seat aren’t indication that they are together and dating, then Jinyoung doesn’t know what is.

But it only gets more absurd when he sees Daehwi smiling, pink lips curved upwards a tad too high for Jinyoung’s liking.

“I am not fond of Margaritas, but I was taught not to reject blessings – even if they are in disguise.”

The man grins proudly, and slides the said drink to Daehwi. “Hi, I’m Guanlin. And you are?”

Jinyoung stares at the hand extended to Daehwi – long and muscular – and he suddenly gets the urge to break it.

“Sorry, but I’m actually with my boy—“

“Nice to meet you, I’m Jinyoung,” Jinyoung smiles stiffly, _grabbing_ the stranger’s hand a lot faster than he intends to. He grips it very tightly – again, a lot more than he intends to – and shakes it a couple times before saying, “And this guy’s my boyfriend.”

Daehwi’s face is a mixture of shock and incredulity, but Jinyoung doesn’t care, not when Guanlin recoils from their handshake with a very, very distressed countenance.

“I uh… I forgot I have something to do.” Guanlin gets off his chair and pushes the two drinks he was holding to Daehwi and Jinyoung’s way. “Here, these are new. You can have them. It was nice meeting you both.” Guanlin smiles awkwardly one last time before getting lost in the crowd.

Jinyoung takes a glass of the margarita and tastes it, blatantly ignoring the dirty look Daehwi is directing to him. “I don’t like margaritas too, but this is nice, I guess.”

“Jinyoung, seriously?” Daehwi scoffs. “What the hell was that all about?”

“I don’t know, Daehwi. You tell me.”

Daehwi gives a fake laugh, rolling his eyes in utter disbelief. “What is wrong with you? Why’d you have to be so goddamn rude?”

“No, Daehwi. What is wrong with _you?_ ” Jinyoung spats out. “I am your boyfriend and you just entertained a guy hitting on you right in front of my face.”

“That’s why I was about to tell him that I’m with you but you didn’t let me finish!” Daehwi retorts. “I wasn’t even sure if he really was hitting on me—“

“ _Sure_ , and I guess it’s very normal to buy a complete stranger a drink in a bar.” Jinyoung chuckles bitterly. “Yep, I definitely do that all the time.”

“Did you really think that I can do that?” Daehwi asks. “Did you really think that I’ll entertain him even when I’m with you?”

“Well, didn’t you?”

For a split second, Daehwi almost looks stumped, but then it was gone. Daehwi just looks at Jinyoung blankly, face void of any emotion, and Jinyoung feels the pressure, feels the density of the male’s gaze. But he doesn’t waver and stares back, allowing himself to owned by his emotions. He’s tired but he’s not about to back down, not when he knows that he only did what was right.

After a moment of what seemed like forever, Daehwi downs his glass in one shot. “I’m leaving.” He collects his bag and blazer before giving Jinyoung one last empty look. “Just let me know when you get back home.”

Jinyoung nods but doesn’t move from his place nor stop Daehwi from leaving. He only holds his Tom Collins, stares at the two untouched margaritas, but doesn’t drink anymore for the rest of the night.

 

* * *

 

 

**225 - 이백이십오**

**031918**

Fortunately, the days that followed their fight had been peaceful. To Jinyoung, at the very least.

And it is the thought that keeps on bothering him, of how peaceful the days were yet something just doesn’t feel right. Initially, he had blamed it all on the night they went to the bar, but looking at it in retrospect, it had always been that way since the start.

Jinyoung being unable to read Daehwi.

“Should we watch a romcom tonight?” Daehwi asks, eyes sparkling in excitement as he and Jinyoung enter the latter’s apartment. It is a Friday night, and unlike the previous Fridays when they went out for dates, Daehwi insisted on just staying at home to watch a movie. Jinyoung acquiesced, knowing that it was no use to give any other option.

Likewise, Jinyoung doesn’t reject Daehwi’s wish of watching a romcom movie. Daehwi loads Jinyoung’s list of movies and plays _My Sassy Girl_ while the older prepares their popcorn. Once everything is set, they settle for Jinyoung’s bed, snuggled to each other while busying their eyes with the movie, and hands and mouths with their snack.

But Jinyoung’s focus doesn’t last when he suddenly hears sniffles, followed by unnecessary movements, all coming from Daehwi. They were just reaching the half part of the movie when Jinyoung notices Daehwi crying.

The weird thing is, only the comedic scenes were showing when Daehwi starts crying.

Jinyoung would understand if it’s a dramatic movie, or if a dramatic scene was playing, but there’s none. Granted, the movie they are watching does have a very mild dramatic scene, but they haven’t even reached that part yet.

And what’s sadder is that, Jinyoung couldn’t determine the meaning behind it. A part of him insists that he knows everything about Daehwi already, having been with him for a long time now, but each day with him only tells of an entirely different story.

And it’s during times like these that Jinyoung can’t help but recoil, confidence dissipating as if it never happened in the first place. It’s during times like these that Jinyoung can’t help but be afraid, be insecure of the fact that even with the time they spent together, there is still a whole other universe within Daehwi that is yet to be discovered.

The connection between Daehwi and Jinyoung is still vulnerable.

“Daehwi… love,” Jinyoung calls, sitting up straight to wipe Daehwi’s face with his thumbs. “Are you okay?” he asks. “What’s wrong?”

Daehwi looks at him for a few seconds, eyes glistening and mouth trembling before shaking his head slowly. He doesn’t speak, just sobs silently in Jinyoung’s chest, and Jinyoung hopes that the younger doesn’t hear his heart cracking with each lull second that passed.

Not seeing any more reason to continue the movie, Jinyoung grabs the remote and turns the television off. Once he sets the remote back down on the side table, Daehwi tugs his shirt.

“Jinyoung, just hold me for tonight.” Daehwi says quietly, almost inaudible despite the cold silence that loomed over them. “Please.”

Jinyoung obliges, pulls Daehwi’s smaller frame against him and caresses the latter’s hair comfortingly. Daehwi calms down after a moment, nuzzling the crook of Jinyoung’s neck.

“Jinyoung?”

Jinyoung hums.

“I love you.”

Jinyoung’s hand suspends for a minute or two, his heart beating a lot faster than the norm, but he continues petting Daehwi’s hair nonetheless. Biting his lips, he breathes heavily and looks at Daehwi. “Daehwi, I—“ his words get stuck in his throat when he sees Daehwi’s closed eyes and parted lips.

Jinyoung opts to just smile. He kisses Daehwi’s forehead gently and holds him closely, making sure not a space is in between them, before following the latter to dreamland.

 

* * *

 

 

**281 – 이백팔십일**

**051418**

With the rush of the paper deadlines that had been piling on his desk, Jinyoung completely tunes out everybody that has been coming in and out of his cubicle, only answering the calls and musings which were related to his reports. Even his boss, Woojin, who asked him to go out for lunch was ignored – which can be considered as a normal everyday thing anyway or at least, since he started dating Daehwi.

Woojin doesn’t complain nonetheless, since he knows that Jinyoung’s pushed through the deadlines and he really doesn’t have any room for complaints, not when the male’s reaping him good reports and feedbacks from the higher ups.

It kind of ticks him a bit though, when he sees Daehwi casually sitting right beside Jinyoung, and all it takes him is to call the latter’s name to get his undivided attention.

“Romance, gross.”

Daehwi, who has a very sensitive ear, turns to him smugly while sticking his tongue out.

“What a way to treat your boss.” Jinyoung says as he continuously type on his laptop, eyes focused on the paper work that is presented before him.

“Well, he’s my cousin, and he isn’t exactly my immediate boss.” He hears Daehwi say, followed by a shuffling sound. “ _You are_.” Daehwi giggles while Jinyoung just smiles. “Have you eaten lunch already?”

“No, not yet. I have to finish this first.” Jinyoung tells him. “Deadline is tomorrow.”

A few moments of silence pass by before Daehwi speaks, “Jinyoung.”

“Hm?”

“Look at me.”

Hearing his query, Jinyoung turns to his side, only for his lips to meet Daehwi’s. Jinyoung’s hands loosen up on top of the keyboard as he feels himself slowly melting away. Not to mention the way Daehwi’s hands are gently rested on his thighs, Jinyoung can already foresee the very unproductive afternoon he’s sure he’s going to have, having experienced this kind of office distraction for the past few months.

But Jinyoung doesn’t mind being unproductive at all. Even as he’s sure that Woojin might come at him for being unable to finish his work on time, Jinyoung still prefers to be preoccupied with the beautiful distraction that is _his_ Daehwi.

“Dae—“

But before he can even start taking pleasure in what might be another secret office affair, Daehwi pulls back, a guilty smile adorning his slightly flushed face.

“I need to get going now,” he tells the crestfallen Jinyoung. “I’m going to have lunch with Woojin-hyung.”

Despite himself, Jinyoung breathes heavily and just nods. “Can’t be helped then.”

“Come join us?” Daehwi asks, tilting his head adorably to which Jinyoung chuckles.

“Can’t right now.” Jinyoung says while holding on to Daehwi’s hand. “I’ll try to catch up later though… if you’re still there.” He gives Daehwi a smile before looking back at his monitor.

“Jinyoung?”

“Hm?”

“I…” Daehwi trails off, seeing Jinyoung’s fixated gaze on his monitor screen. “I—uh… let me know later, okay?” Daehwi reminds as Jinyoung just nods.

A couple of silent seconds pass before he hears Daehwi say, “Good luck, _love._ Fighting!”

He grins at the computer and nods, unaware that Daehwi had already left.

 

* * *

 

 

**302 – 삼백이**

**060418**

“What are you going to order?” Jinyoung asks, looking at the menu handed to him. He scans the different names of coffees in the menu, both confused and amazed at the wide selection, but ends up getting one of the basics. “I’ll have an iced Americano. What about you, babe?”

Daehwi didn’t look at the menu but he easily tells his order to the staff waiting for them. “I’ll have Espresso, double shot.”

The staff jots down their order and takes the menus back, before leaving the two alone.

“So, why did you suddenly want to drink coffee?” Jinyoung asks, resting his chin on the palm of his hand. “You don’t like coffee.”

“I do,” Daehwi answers. “Not as much, but I do appreciate coffee once in a while.”

“How come I didn’t know that?” Jinyoung questions, but before Daehwi can even answer, the staff arrives with their respective drinks. Jinyoung takes a sip as soon as he receives it and winces a bit at the taste.

“It’s bitter, huh.” Daehwi laughs.

“Very much.”

Jinyoung hears Daehwi chuckling and he smiles too, feeling warm with just hearing the male’s laughter.

“I’m done with my internship. It’s my last day today.”

Jinyoung just stares at Daehwi, confused and surprised, but mostly the former since not once have Daehwi notified him about the sudden end of his internship. He knows that Daehwi’s internship for their company will only last for a couple of months, but he had lost track of it, especially since he is indeed with Daehwi for almost 24/7.

The next words that follow after though are what Jinyoung refuses to believe.

“Jinyoung, we should stop seeing each other.”

Jinyoung doesn’t move. His eyes remain affixed on Daehwi, waiting for him to say that it was just a joke, but it never came.

Trying his best to control his facial structure, Jinyoung almost chokes when he asks, “W-why? What… I—“

“We are not what we used to be, Jinyoung. You’re not dense, you should know it. What we’re doing is not normal—“

“Not normal? I don’t care. What’s normal even? I don’t—I don’t know. I’m happy.”

“Happy? All we do is argue.”

“That’s bullshit.”

Jinyoung grits his teeth, hands crumpled to a fist as they laid on the table. Daehwi only stares at him for a while before he gently holds Jinyoung’s hands and the male placates.

“Aren’t you… aren’t you happy?”

Jinyoung looks at Daehwi’s lips and sees how perfectly curved they are. He looks at Daehwi’s cheeks and sees how brightly tinted they are. He looks at Daehwi’s eyes and sees how big and doe like they are.

But the shimmer, the sparkle, the stars… are just not there anymore.

“I was.”

Jinyoung pulls his hands back and walks away, ignoring the pained expression of Daehwi and leaving him all by himself together with their cold, bitter drinks.

 

* * *

 

 

**391 – 삼백구십일**

**090118**

“I’m willing to lower my standards if you’re going on a date with me.”

Woojin rubs his temples, looking at the sample cards given to him by his assistant. He had received a notice that Jinyoung has been slacking off lately. He isn’t, he could never, but he isn’t exactly working hard either.

“You’re how I like my coffee – bitter and diarrhea inducing.”

Woojin suddenly gets the urge to call Jesus.

“Jinyoung, this… I—“ Woojin exhales, trying to ease down his high pressure. “I know that we have a lot of projects ongoing and it’s stressing everyone out but please Jinyoung,” Woojin sighs. “Try not to let personal and work stuff affect each other… especially now that Daehwi’s done with his work.”

“… yes, sir.”

Woojin peers over the long, tousled hair of Jinyoung, his 5 o’clock shadow, and his overall ungodly mismatched pieces, and Woojin is just plain worried. Before anything else, Jinyoung had and will always be one of his precious dongsaengs, so the moment he had heard of what happened, he immediately checked on Jinyoung. Even though he knows that Jinyoung is a professional despite not having finished college, he knows that one can only take so much.

And apparently, that is definitely the case for Jinyoung, seeing as he’s actually calling Woojin as _sir._

“Jinyoung, please take care of yourself. If you ever need to talk to someone, you know you can always count on me.” Jinyoung doesn’t respond and just stares into space. Woojin breathes heavily. “I want you to be okay, Jinyoung. Just… busy yourself with work and forget Daehwi.”

Jinyoung’s eyes flicker as he stares back at Woojin. He looks at the eyes of the older – anxious and tired – before he nods and says, “Okay, hyung. Thank you.”

It was only afternoon when Jinyoung leaves the office to go back home. Woojin had practically forced him to take the remaining day off to rest, yet even that seems to be quite a task. Resting is when you let your body be idle, be still and just be at ease. Resting is when you let your mind wander, to free it from all thoughts and worries that lurk around your consciousness.

But how can Jinyoung do so when even as he closes his eyes, all he can see is Daehwi?

Everything around him reminds him of Daehwi. Even his cousin, Minhyun, had not stopped trying to contact him ever since finding out about what happened. Jinyoung doesn’t answer his calls though. He knows that Minhyun’s only worried, but at that moment, human interaction in general will only cause him more harm.

Jinyoung’s phone buzzes for the nth time that afternoon, but instead of seeing Minhyun’s call, he sees a message from Daehwi.

He breathes heavily as he opens it, reading the contents of the message.

 

Jinyoung, let’s really end this. I’m sorry.  
**Seen at 14:05**

 

Jinyoung throws his phone on the wall, breaking and smashing it to pieces.

_Forget Daehwi._

He falls down on the cold timber floor – still and lifeless – and finally lets out the tears he had always suppressed.

 

* * *

 

 

**455 – 사백오십오**

**110418**

Jinyoung knows that he can only disregard people’s existence for a certain time. You can try to avoid human interaction as much as you can, but eventually, needing to meet up with someone is still inevitable.

Life just sucks that way.

Still, Jinyoung tried to hibernate. He really did, but when you’re cousins with a persistent and a clean freak named Minhyun, who would go through heaven and hell just to pull you out of your sheets and outside the comfort of your 4 walled space, all efforts of hiding would only go to waste.

Which is why on a fine Friday evening, Jinyoung finds himself seated inside an almost rundown Italian restaurant near his workplace, picking on some olives and beans which were maliciously included in his pasta (he has an inkling that there is a legit reason why the place has been dying). The faultless interior salvages the poor quality of the food however, having simple but pristine furniture over extravagant decorations.

It doesn’t salvage his flickering eyes though, clearly unhelpful as he tries his best to keep the eye contact with his date but only to end up failing.

“This baked zity is so good, right?”

Jinyoung just nods, puts on a small smile and says, “Yeah...”

_“Jinyoungie, thish checken alfedo ish shhooo good! You shoush tra it!”_

_Jinyoung watches as Daehwi scoops a serving for him, fighting back a smile as he sees the puffed cheeks of the male who is also busily munching on his food. Just when he was about to take the spoon from Daehwi, the latter slaps his hand away and pouts. “Don’t! I’m going to feed you.” He then leans forward and says, “Come on, say ahh—“_

_“Daehwi, really?”_

_“Say ahh—“ Daehwi stops and raises an eyebrow at Jinyoung, his face void of any emotion. “Why, you don’t want to?”_

_It only takes one frown from Daehwi before Jinyoung immediately takes the bite, making the former smile in satisfaction. “Jinyoungie is a good boy!” Daehwi beams. “It’s good, right?”_

_Jinyoung nods in agreement. It was true, the pasta had the right ratio of cream and cheese, and the chicken was quite tender that it was almost as if it melts in your mouth. Jinyoung isn’t really a fan of pastas and he’d eat rice over pasta at any given day, but he has to admit that for an average looking restaurant, the pasta is superb._

_Or maybe, just maybe, it’s because he’s with Daehwi._

_“Then again, everything tastes good as long as I eat it with you, Jinyoungie.” Daehwi smiles widely, eyes shimmering in delight as he takes another spoonful of the pasta. “Here, another one. Say ahh—“_

_Jinyoung immediately obliges, holding Daehwi’s hand this time and keeping his loving gaze intact, before taking the bite._

_“It’s delicious.”_

_Daehwi looks stunned for a bit before a faint blush appears on his cheeks._

_Yep, Jinyoung’s sure._

_It’s definitely because he’s with Daehwi._

“Earth to Jinyoung, hello?”

Jinyoung snaps out of his trance as he sees Jihoon’s hand moving along his vision. “Are you not eating that?” Jinyoung sees Jihoon pointing to his pasta and he immediately shakes his head.

“Y-you can have it.”

Receiving the plate from Jinyoung, Jihoon grins and says, “Thanks!”

For the past hour, all they’ve been doing is eat – well, it was more like all Jihoon did was eat. Jinyoung watches as his date gobbles down the food, very much infatuated with its _unique_ taste. He would say horrid, but then that would mean that his date is the same. He actually isn’t. It’s also a feat to be considered that all the while eating, Jihoon even had the time to share him random stories about random things. Jinyoung was very unresponsive; he barely absorbed half of what Jihoon said. It wasn’t like Jihoon is boring or dull – he’s just really out of it. The only key points that Jinyoung managed to remember is that Park Jihoon is a friend of Seongwoo’s who, unlike Jinyoung who had just had his heart broken, is actually looking for love. He’s a decent man with a decent background; a bright personality and good character – despite his incomprehensible tastes in gourmet.

But Jinyoung just… doesn’t feel the spark.

He tried, he really did, but nothing compares to what he felt the moment he first saw Daehwi.

“So like Seongwoo-hyung is a shit and all right—“

“Jihoon, I’m sorry.” Jinyoung cuts Jihoon off with a heavy sigh. “I… I think this—we… won’t work.”

Jinyoung expects Jihoon to cuss him or even shout at him for wasting his precious time which he could’ve used for other more promising bachelors, but he gets none. Instead, he sees Jihoon setting his fork down with a smile.

“It’s okay. I already knew that this won’t work out to be a more than bros relationship the moment you called me Daehwi.” Jihoon chuckles at Jinyoung’s stunned countenance. “I mean, I would understand if you’d call me Jihon or Jimin but Daehwi, really?”

“I-I did?” Jinyoung ducks his head in shame. “I’m sorry—“

“Don’t say sorry, Jinyoung. If any, I should feel sorry for you.” Jinyoung would’ve taken offense at Jihoon’s words but the latter’s face shows nothing but of pure concern and sympathy. “It must be a very special love, huh.”

Jinyoung looks at the half eaten pasta across the table, thinking hard how it was supposed to be a chicken alfredo but there were barely any of the said meat.

Just like how he was supposed to have moved on, but he barely even moved from the starting point.

“It… it is.” Jinyoung breathes heavily, recollecting himself. “We can still keep in contact, right? As friends… because I think I should go now. Do you mind if I go first or…”

Jihoon shakes his head. “Just go. It’s been so hard dealing with your awkwardness, but then you’re broken so I can deal with it… for now. If you want to keep the friendship though, you might want to fix that.” Jihoon chuckles as Jinyoung just smiles awkwardly.

“I hope for the fast recovery of your heart, Jinyoung.” Jihoon gives him a sad smile. “Everybody deserves a second chance.”

Jinyoung leaves the restaurant with different emotions lurking around his very incapacitated heart. He just wants to go home, wants to lay down on his bed, wants to cover himself in pillows and duvet, wants to hide himself from whatever ugly thoughts he will receive by going outside of the comfort of his sanctuary.

Jinyoung knows that leaving his flat is a wrong move. He just knows it.

And never let it be said that going outside of one’s comfort zone is helpful and leads to more chances, because it is not.

It indeed leads to more chances, but it’s definitely not helpful.

“Jinyoung?”

Not when fate decides to screw him up all over again by letting him bump into a black haired man the first few steps he took outside of the restaurant.

Jinyoung’s breath hitches as he sees _him_.

Aside from his hair which is now dyed black, everything else is still the same.

The same eyes and the same smile.

The same person and the same character.

The same memories and the same emotions.

“It’s been a while. How… how are you?” Daehwi asks with a smile. “Did you change your number?”

Jinyoung’s eyebrows scrunch in confusion. “I… uh—“ he breathes deeply. “Why?”

“Well, I was trying to contact you the other day but it says the number is not in service.”

“I—my phone got broken…” Jinyoung’s voice is barely audible against the ruckus of the Seoul night street, but Daehwi’s nod lets him know that it was heard. “Why were you… trying to contact me though?”

“I wanted to invite you to a housewarming party I’m throwing the week after next – that is, if you’re available.” Daehwi pulls out his phone and hands it over to Jinyoung. “No pressure, you can check your schedule then let me know.”

Jinyoung contemplates on giving a wrong number but he notices how Daehwi’s phone still wears the same matching black with white stars case that they got before when they were still together.

Unlike before though, Jinyoung’s old phone was now broken and trashed, together with its case.

“Here,” Jinyoung hands Daehwi’s phone back to him, trying his best to avert his eyes as much as possible. “Just let me know when and where.”

But it only proves to be a difficulty when Daehwi smiles at him, the same smile that had made him fall the first time.

“Thanks, Jinyoungie. I’ll message you for sure.”

 

* * *

 

 

**457 – 사백오십칠**

**110618**

 

Good morning, Jinyoungie!  
**10:15**

Yo Daehwi  
wassup  
**Seen at 10:25**

Just making sure u gave me ur correct num :)  
**10:26**

Why  
**Seen at 10:30**

Why would I not  
**Seen at 10:31**

Nothin.  
Anw, have a great day! :)  
**10:35**

-

**458 – 사백오십팔**

Jinyoungie, do u still play love live?  
**21:32**

Ofc, why?  
**Seen at 21:38**

Well, vote for Umi for the Christmas girl election then!  
**21:39**

I voted for her in the _µ_ hehe  
**21:39**

But don’t u like Eli tho?  
**Seen at 21:42**

I do but u like Umi so  
leggo Umi~ :D  
**21:43**

oh  
I hope she wins lol  
**Seen at 21:50**

Dw, she will :)  
**21:50**

**-**

**462 –** **사백육십이**

 

I already moved in to my new apartment!  
**13:15**

Nice!  
so how is it?  
**Seen at 13:16**

def a lot more spacious than my prev one :D  
**13:17**

But urs is still bigger and comfier tho  
**13:19**

Sry if I couldn’t help u move  
**Seen at 13:29**

No worries!  
I kno u’re busy and all  
and Woojin-hyung can be really hrd to deal with  
**13:30**

Well, I  
I actually left the company already  
**Seen at 13:33**

Oh  
**13:34**

Do u mind if I ask why?  
**13:35**

That  
**Seen at 13:36**

Im planning to try out and be a dance instructor  
U rmb the dance school near my place?  
I might apply there…  
**Seen at 13:40**

Jinyoungie that’s great!  
I kno u can do it! :)  
**13:41**

Lmk if it works out, okay?  
**13:42**

ㅇㅋ  
ㅋㅋ **  
Seen at 13:42**

**-**

**464 –** **사백육십사**

Jinyoungie  
My housewarming party will be a week from now

[Daehwi sent a link]  
Here’s my address  
**18:46**

 

Gotchu  
**Seen at 18:48**

 

I dnt take no for an answer ok!?  
Be sure to be there!!!  
**18:49**

No  
**18:50**

There I said no, whatcha gonna do about it  
**Seen at 18:51**

I will go to ur house and skewer u  
using a spoon  
**18:51**

Uh that is-  
nvm, okay  
c u  
**Seen at 18:52**

^u^  
**18:53**

 

* * *

 

**470 – 사백칠십**

**111918**

Jinyoung is inches away from his third bottle of Soju when he hears his front door beeping. For someone who has downed bottles of the renown alcohol, Jinyoung is still pretty damn well aware that he didn’t invite anybody to his place – much less at such an ungodly midnight time.

He reckons it might be a burglar, or a serial killer, or whoever bad element there might be around, but he doesn’t get disturbed. He takes the last shot of his alcohol and stares grudgingly at the entranceway, waiting for the identity of his sudden visitor.

“Jinyoung?”

His eyesight is blurry, his head is hammering in pain, his body feels so heavy, and the urge to throw up is so, so damn real.

He feels horrible; he feels awful.

And seeing Minhyun makes a small part of Jinyoung feel even more disappointed – the part who actually wished that his guest was a random serial killer on the loose.

At least a killer can end his misery; at least a killer can actually rid him of his pain.

Because at that moment, all he wants is to just disappear.

“H-Hyung… what brings… you here?” Jinyoung slurs his words, willing himself to stand up, but the force of gravity on his very intoxicated body is so much more that he only ends up slipping, almost hitting his side drawer if not for the fast hands of his cousin. “It’s... uhhhhhh—2 in the morning…”

“I heard of what happened from Jaehwan and Woojin-hyung…”

Jinyoung roars into laughter, his voice breaking into the silence of the lifeless, dimly lit apartment.

_“Jinyoungie!”_

And as if a dam just broke into his head, images surge through his consciousness, overwhelming and swallowing him whole. Jinyoung sees Daehwi in front of him, greeting him with the brightest smile he has ever seen, eyes flaunting a different kind of shimmer that puts the whole universe to shame.

Jinyoung greets him likewise, and lets Daehwi pull him into his apartment where a plethora of other guests were, eating, drinking and socializing. He sees Jaehwan and Woojin inside as well, but their countenances were unnerving, speaking out a silent scream that makes him feel a tad queasy. He doesn’t let them deter him though as he lets Daehwi drag him around like the social butterfly that he always was.

He lets Daehwi introduce him to people. He lets Daehwi go over the details of what he missed in the younger’s life.

Jinyoung lets Daehwi bring him back to his life. Jinyoung lets Daehwi be like how they used to.

_“Hwi!”_

Then Jinyoung sees a tall, slender man, face defining the meaning of fetching, and presence overtaking the scene. Without any word, he sees Daehwi approaching him, leaving Jinyoung’s side to clasp his hand onto the man’s, both donning the same happy smiles.

Both wearing the same white golden ring that his eyes had refused to notice since the start. 

_“Jinyoung, this is my—“_

At that moment, Jinyoung stops grasping anything. Jinyoung cannot make sense of reality. 

And it was only when Jaehwan drags him out that he understands what the people in the party had been cheering for since the man stepped foot in Daehwi’s flat.

_“Congratulations to the newly engaged couple!”_

Jinyoung stops laughing, the images and happy cheers long gone. He touches his face and feels the wetness on his cheeks. He sees Daehwi’s likewise forlorn countenance and sees his mouth moving, but doesn’t make sense of what he’s saying.

At that moment, nothing makes sense to him anymore.

It doesn’t make sense how Daehwi, _his_ Daehwi is in the arms of another man, letting a damn ring lock him in place. Daehwi isn’t one to be tied down; Daehwi is a free soul.

And if anything, Daehwi should be locked by the ring given by Jinyoung… but he never gave it.

Daehwi should be in his arms… but he let him go.

Daehwi and Jinyoung should be together… but they aren’t.

_Not anymore._

“Daehwi… he—“ Jinyoung chokes, willing himself to stop, willing himself to hold on. However, one can only take so much and the subdued brokenness finally runs free.

“D-Daehwi, I need Daehwi… please… I—“ Jinyoung calls in between sobs, holding on to Minhyun for his dear life. “I need him!”

Tears flow down on Minhyun’s cheeks too, but he only hugs Jinyoung tighter, listening to him and letting the male’s heart breathe.

“Jinyoung, everything will be okay...” Minhyun whispers, stroking Jinyoung’s hair as the male continuously cry. “You will be okay.”

 

Jinyoungie  
I didn’t see u leaving  
But I hope u had fun  
**03:51**

Im sorry if I didn’t tell u sooner about that…  
but let’s go out again smtime, okay?  
**03:52**

* * *

**476 - 사백칠십육**

**112518**

Jinyoung flutters his eyes open, woken up by the incessant buzzing of his phone. He grabs the device, scrolling through the notifications in search of a particular name. And just like any other day, he feels heavy, unwilling to wake up ever since that one morning that his name stopped appearing in his phone.

_Just like that one morning when he took all of his things with him._

_Just like that one morning when he stopped coming._

Jinyoung wills himself to sit up, forces his swollen eyes to open as he comes across a post on his social media account. A picture of a wedding, of a celebration of the union of a man who was once _his_ but is now with another.

It was a picture of smiles and merriment. It was the start of a new story.

But to Jinyoung, it was a picture of sadness and reality. It was the _end_ of a story.

And he succumbs to the pressure, unwillingly pulverizing any spark of hope left within him because no matter how much he denies it, no matter how much he makes himself believe that there’s a continuation, he knows it himself that the love story he had long wanted to write is done.

Done and burned by the knowing that his muse is gone and is not coming back.

Because his love story is not really meant to be one.

Because his love story has always been and is meant to be a tragedy.

 

* * *

 

 

 **506 –** **오백육**

**122518**

 

Hi Jinyoung,  
Can we meet up next week?  
**09:52**

_Bzzzz._

Jinyoung’s fingers hover over his phone, the calculator disappearing as an incoming call replaces it on the screen instead. He makes a face as he sees the name, but nonetheless receives it after a couple more rings.

“Jinyoung, please tell me you’re not drinking again.”

Jinyoung stills, side eyeing the green bottles on the floor. “I… am not…” he says, pushing the bottles away using his foot as he puts the call on loudspeaker before returning back to the calculator app.

“Jinyoung.”

He can almost hear the disappointment in Minhyun’s voice, but he ignores it and continues fiddling with his phone. It’s not like he’s dodging the main topic at hand. He knows that he had developed an unhealthy affinity with alcohol, but it wasn’t like he did it on purpose. Sure, it was his choice to turn to alcohol for a momentary comfort, but it was the only way he knew that could ease up the bitterness swelling in his heart.

Then again, he isn’t exactly lying when he said he isn’t drinking. Lately, Jinyoung had been drinking less. Staying cooped inside his apartment flat for a whole month had proven to be quite effective (not for Minhyun though since he was the one who had to keep bringing supplies to Jinyoung’s flat). His savings had taken a critical hit due to his unemployment for a few months, but it isn’t something that had put him off the edge. He did begin calculating for his expenses however (a tad too often for his brain’s liking), which is very much different to how much he handled his dough in the past.

_Now on to gas consumption—_

Jinyoung blinks his eyes, an epiphany washing over him as he stares at the paraphernalia of his newfound hobby.

“Jinyoung, I swear if you are still—“

“Hyung… I’m…” Jinyoung trails off, putting down his pen as he leans back on his chair. “I’m computing for my monthly bills.”

The line turns silent for a couple of seconds. “Uh, okay that’s nice. But I swear if you’re drinking again—“

“I’ve been doing it diligently for the past month.”

Silence.

“And I’m only drinking because I feel like it not because I _need_ it... I think.”

More silence.

“And I don’t _need_ it because I’m not thinking of anything else anymore except where to get the damn money to pay off my bills.”

“Oh maybe if you stop using your savings on booze and start looking for a job then maybe you wouldn’t be so worried about losing the roof over your head.”

“I just told you I don’t drink that much anymore but yeah, you do have selective hearing.” Jinyoung sighs heavily.

“Can you blame me though?” Minhyun snorts.

Jinyoung ignores it and only rolls his eyes. “You know what, I think I’ll just do that.”

“Do what?”

“Accept the job offer by Jaehwan-hyung’s friend who owns that dance school near my place.”

“Yeah, you—what?” Minhyun doesn’t hide the surprise in his voice, and neither does Jinyoung. “You’ll actually go out into the outside world now?” Minhyun’s voice raises an octave higher. “So I can stop bringing supplies to your apartment?!”

“I should’ve known that you weren’t really worried about me.”

“Who said I was?” Minhyun chuckles.

Jinyoung does the same, but he stops once he sees the polaroid photo sitting on his desk right in front of him. “You know, _he_ messaged me early this morning.”

Silence.

“You know, _he_ messaged me—“

“I heard it the first time, you dumb dumb.” Minhyun hisses and Jinyoung fights the urge to laugh. “What did he say?”

“He’s asking if we can meet up sometime next week.”

“So what did you say?” Minhyun asks, the skepticism dripping in his voice. “Did you even reply?”

“I…” Jinyoung trails off “…haven’t.”

“ _Haven’t._ ” Minhyun sighs and Jinyoung knows that his cousin’s not having any of his shits again. “So what are you planning?” When Jinyoung doesn’t answer, Minhyun continues, “I won’t try to stop you since this might be what you need… but are you sure that you can handle it?”

Jinyoung thinks about the three months that he spent drinking, the three months that he spent looking back and thinking about what went wrong, the three months that he spent wallowing in inevitable regret, and the three months that he spent all alone by himself.

It was hard. Jinyoung knows it always was and can never be easy, but as quick as how the times pass, before he can even fully recognize it, a spark of hope had already ignited from within him, and he knows that his dark days need to end.

He might not be ready, but he has to.

Jinyoung _needs_ to.

And that is what he will do.

Taking the said polaroid, Jinyoung keeps it inside his drawer and away from the light.

“I have to.”

 

Sure  
what time?  
**15:52**

 

* * *

 

 

**512 – 오백십이**

**123118**

On the last day of the year, Jinyoung visits the park. The first time he went there (aside from when he was there during fall), it was summer and the temperature was crazy hot. The trees were all green and flowers blossomed everywhere. Now, he surveys the place, taking notice of how the greens had disappeared due to the transition of season. Aside from the coming of winter, very little changes had occurred, and he finds it comforting, appreciating how despite he himself had changed, memories of which he had picked up from the place still lingers.

Jinyoung wraps himself in a long thick coat and knitted scarf, just enough to keep him warm from the very low temperature (the place is still indeed cold despite it being a covered park). He walks toward the special bench which he had always sat on and spots a familiar figure who still keeps on taking the left side of it.

“I’m still confused why you like this park.”

The figure looks up to him and watches as he takes the seat right next to him. “I don’t know,” he says with a shrug. “Maybe because my cousin is literally a _Park_?”

The two of them eye each other for a brief second before they crack in laughter.

“Daehwi, seriously?” Jinyoung mocks. “I didn’t know you have a very dry sense of humor?”

Daehwi chuckles, yet it was heavy. “There were a lot of things we didn’t know about each other, Jinyoung.”

Jinyoung’s face hardens for a moment despite himself, and he almost finds it difficult to respond. “I guess there really were a lot.”

Daehwi hums in response before saying, “I’m going to leave tomorrow, Jinyoungie. We might never see each other again… hopefully we still can though.” Daehwi laughs. “You’ll still keep in touch with me, right?”

Jinyoung only stares at the ground, watches as the wind picks up the leaves that were once a part of summer.

“Daehwi… why did you break up with me?”

A pregnant silence engulfs the frosted air, loaded with both unsaid words and unshared feelings.

And Jinyoung hates it, how he’s feeling again – angry, sad, and depressed, all at once. He thought that he is done with it, that he has finally let go of the memories.

But he can never really let go of those memories. Not when he sees the same smile that was once his.

“I _loved_ you, Jinyoung, so, so much… I probably still do.” Daehwi utters, voice clear and distinct, not tearing his gaze away from Jinyoung. “We’ve only been together for less than a year, but I was so sure of you and I was willing to give my all to you.”

“Then…” Jinyoung looks at him. “Then why?”

Daehwi smiles and asks, “Have you ever told me that you love me? Even once?”

Jinyoung’s breathing hitches.

_I wanted to say ‘I love you’ but I couldn’t._

“Were you even happy with me?”

_I was the happiest when I was with you._

“Did you ever truly love me?”

_I love you… and now, I still do._

“You have always been unsure, Jinyoung, but I don’t blame you… and I never will.”

Jinyoung almost chokes, his heart caught in a frenzy of both distress and disappointment.

He opens his mouth to speak, to explain that Daehwi is wrong, to be bare and be honest even for _once_ … but a white golden band in Daehwi’s finger mocks him in all its glory, reminding him of the reality that Daehwi has long been freed from him.

And despite the words strongly urging to break free from his lips, despite the utter desire to say what he really wanted to say, despite the pure longing that was threatening to swallow him whole and bring him back to the despair where he once was, Jinyoung keeps his mouth shut, swallowing back all the thoughts and feelings and keeping them out of the light for the rest of time.

_Daehwi, I love you._

Jinyoung closes his eyes shut and breathes.

“I’m… I’m sorry.”

“I guess we just aren’t the same.”

Jinyoung feels a hand on his face, pulling him to look up and meet Daehwi’s warm, beady eyes.

“You are a star, Jinyoung, but you aren’t just any star,” Daehwi tells him. “You are a _supernova._ ” Daehwi smiles at Jinyoung with the same smile that he fell for. “Until now, in my heart, you’re still there. I can still see you shining brightly… but I know that one day, I’ll move on and I’ll be left with nothing but the remnants of our beautiful memories… and I won’t ever let go since without you, I wouldn’t be where I am now.”

Jinyoung bites his bottom lip and asks, “What about _him?_ Is _he_ the star that you were looking for?”

“He is a star… but he isn’t just any star,” Daehwi answers. “He is my _sun._ ”

Jinyoung feels cold, slowly succumbing to the dejection of finally accepting the fact that things cannot be undone, of finally coming to understand the fact that you’ll only know the value of a person once they’re gone.

He loathes himself, for being selfish, for being unaware of the things that he said he cared for, but doing so wouldn’t bring anything back.

Hating and regretting will only keep the two of them in chains, locked down by the bitterness of what has been done.

Or of what he _didn’t_.

There were a lot of words that are left unsaid, a lot of sentiments that are kept hidden, and a lot of emotions that are left unknown, but this is what he chose – to bury everything together with the beautiful memories that he once shared with Daehwi.

And even as it may take a long time to move on, even as it didn’t become a happy ending for him, as long as it is for Daehwi, it’ll be okay.

Jinyoung will be okay.

“I have one last thing to make sure of before you leave…” Jinyoung removes his scarf and wraps it around Daehwi’s neck before holding the latter’s hands tightly. “Does _he_ make you happy?”

Daehwi smiles – that same smile that Jinyoung fell for. “ _He_ does.”

Daehwi leans in to embrace Jinyoung as the latter breathes in his existence.

 _For the last time_.

“I won’t worry about you, since I know that you’ll be okay.” Daehwi tells him.

And Jinyoung smiles, remembering his first and last exchange with Daehwi.

_“I hope I will.”_

**Author's Note:**

> ALL CHAPTERS ARE UNBETAED!  
> If there are any wrong information I used here, please do let me know!  
> English is not my first language so you will most likely see a LOT of tense and grammar mistakes.  
> Please forgive me for those.  
> If you liked this story, thank you!  
> If you don't, come fite me (ง •̀_•́)ง
> 
> Rant and shout at me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/MeongJinHwi)  
> I don't bite.


End file.
